The Way It Should Have Been
by Maze1
Summary: After Beneath You from Buffy's point of view.


Title: The Way It Should Have Been  
  
Category: Drama/Angst/Romantic  
  
Rated: G  
  
Spoilers: Beneath You and Help.  
  
Characters: Buffy and Spike (plus a little Dawn)  
  
Summary: What happens after Beneath You. In the church. This is from Buffy's point of view. Disclaimer: The characters is all made by Joss Whedon. I'm just borrowing them for a while.  
  
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"Can we rest now? Can I rest now? Please let me rest.."  
  
Spike keeps saying that. I walk towards him. I pull him away from the cross. He looks at me. His chest is burnt and I can see his pain in his eyes, but he doesn't say anything at all. I let him go and he falls down to the floor. I look down at him. Try look him in the eyes and I succeed. He gets scared and crawls into a corner. I can't see him anymore. I sit down on the floor and lean up against the benches.  
  
In the dark, I can hear Spike breathe. He doesn't need to breathe. Angel once said that very few vampires breathe and if they did it they wouldn't know it. I don't think Angel ever did it for me.  
  
I think about what has happened. What I should do now. I can't just go, just leave him here. He has gotten a soul for me. When Angel was Angelus he didn't get a soul for me. Why did Spike do that? How could he do that? For me.  
  
I stand up and start walking towards the sound of his breathing. And there I see him. Lying in a corner of the church, his head against the wall. I sit down next to him.  
  
"Spike..... It will be okay."  
  
He doesn't say anything. He's still breathing, just slower now.  
  
"Do you really have a soul?"  
  
He looks at me, but avoids my eyes.  
  
"Angel should have warned me, he should."  
  
I touch him, he's cold. Not just vampire deadness cold, but more like he's freezing.  
  
"Spike, the sun will soon rise.. We need to get you to a safer place."  
  
I look at him. There is tears in his eyes.  
  
"The sun kills bad people. I'm bad, I stay"  
  
I help get him up.  
In the school basement. Spike is lying in a corner, shaking his head and talking to himself. As if the room is full of people. I'm not close enough to hear what he's saying.  
  
Am still trying to understand this. How could he do this?  
  
I look at my watch. It's almost 8:00 am and I have to get Dawn to school. I stand up and walk over to Spike. He tries to hide.  
  
"Spike"  
  
He doesn't react.  
  
"I really have to go. But I'll be back soon. I just need to get Dawn to school."  
  
He still doesn't react. He hasn't stopped talking to himself. I'm so close now that I can hear what he's saying.  
  
"They won't stop talking. It's because I'm bad. If I hadn't been bad, they would stop talking. Why won't they stop talking...."  
  
I get him to look at me in the eyes.  
  
"Spike, I really have to go now."  
  
He avoids my eyes again.  
  
"Right, girl has to go. She can't stay. I'll hurt her again."  
  
"Spike! I'll be back!"  
  
I smile at him and start to walk away. But I suddenly stop, turn around and kiss him.  
I had promised Spike that I would come back as soon as possible. But I didn't have time. This hadn't been that kind of day where you could sit and see if your pencil holder could balance on your head. There was too many students, who need help. There was this girl, Cassie. Well, you probably know the story. I said to Dawn that she should keep an eye on Cassie. So I went down to the basement. I hated that place. Funny, I always end up in places like that.  
  
Then I see Spike, in the same corner. He hasn't moved at all. He has stopped breathing and looks kinda dead. But he isn't pale.  
  
That is something I always have thought about. When he was with Drusilla he was normally vampire-pale. Like Angel. When he got the chip and I saw him for the first time he was pale too. But he hadn't had anything to eat so that could be the reason. After that. he got a normal human color. I remember just before Riley left. Spike came in my bedroom, looking like a normal man.  
  
He was in love with me at that time. I never would have thought that at the time.  
  
I look at him. He really is good looking. If it wasn't for the marks on his crest. I looks at his face. It is so full of pain. And it's kinda my fault. It is my fault. It isn't a bad thing, really. But it must be awful for Spike. I have already seen it with Angel and with him it wasn't the first time. Spike has just gotten his soul. It took Angel 90 years to get better.  
  
"Spike, I'm back now"  
  
He doesn't say anything, but looks up.  
  
"How are you, Spike"  
  
He smiles. In a insane way.  
  
"Listen... all the voices in the air."  
  
I can't hear anything, but plays along. Spike had once told me that he always had done that with Drusilla. And now he is as insane as Drusilla. Maybe more.  
  
"What are they saying to you"  
  
He looks me in the eyes. I look away from them, can't stand the pain. The guilt that he feels is all in his eyes.  
  
"Shame on you. You know what they are saying. You have said it too."  
  
His insane smile disappears.  
  
"Everyone says 'go, go to hell'. You say it, but there's no place for me to go now. Everyone is talking and they won't stop. And when I can't see you, you still talk. And sometimes when I see you, you go away again or turn into someone else. Drusilla saw it too, but she didn't hear voices saying that she should go to hell. She didn't see all the people she had hurt and she didn't see you......"  
  
I'm not sure. Maybe he really has gone insane or maybe this is just what happens when you get a soul. Maybe Angel has done the same thing. But Angel didn't do it to himself. He didn't choose it. He wasn't so much in love with someone that he would do that for her.  
  
"Spike, it doesn't matter what you sometimes hear me say. That isn't me! I'm not saying you should go to hell. And you shouldn't listen to those people who disappears a second later. They are not real or dead and."  
  
"Yeah, they're all dead because of me. It's my fault. And they didn't have a chance to say it back then, so I'll let them talk now."  
  
His eyes is full of tears again. I walk up to him and sit down. Leaned up against him. He is in pain because of the wounds, but I don't think he cares about them. He starts breathing again. It shocks me. He puts his arm around me and we just lie there. It is nice.  
  
"Spike, you can let them be quiet now."  
  
I look up at him and he kisses me. And it is like everything else disappears. 


End file.
